Content Notice
This episode includes discussion of suicide and grief.
Episode Summary
Leeann Passaro's parents made it possible for her to chase an ambitious soccer dream. They also gave her room to change it. That distinction is at the heart of her conversation with Todd Merkow. Leeann grew up in New Jersey playing several sports, became a competitive goalkeeper, and set her sights on Princeton. Today, she leads The Hidden Opponent, where she helps student-athletes learn how to ask for support and look out for one another. Her story shows what young people can learn when they get to make meaningful choices about their own sports experience.
Leeann's parents took on plenty of work behind the scenes. When she chose to attend The Lawrenceville School, they helped figure out tuition, a new club team, and how to get her to games around Saturday classes. They had reservations about sending her away to school, but they understood whose decision it was. Her parents' support gave her space to figure out what mattered to her as the original plan began to change.
Letting your kid lead, letting your kid find their voice through the process.
WHEN THE PLAN BEGINS TO CHANGE
At first, Leeann saw Lawrenceville as a stepping stone to Princeton. Once she got there, the relationships she built with teachers and mentors, and the opportunities she found outside soccer, mattered in their own right. She began to ask what kind of college experience she wanted. Could she study abroad? Would she have room to lead and pursue other interests? She chose Washington & Lee University, where a Division III program gave her a way to keep playing while pursuing a rigorous academic experience. She went on to play both soccer and lacrosse.
PRESSURE FROM THE INSIDE
Having supportive parents didn't mean Leeann was free from pressure. She describes setting exacting standards for herself and learning how to respond when school no longer came easily. She reflects on losing her former teammate Madison Holleran and how that loss prompted her to examine some of her own expectations. She also describes what she experienced after concussions, including difficulty concentrating, disrupted sleep, and anxiety. These were distinct experiences, and Leeann gives parents a window into how much can be happening beyond what they see on the field.
WHAT A DIFFERENT TEAM FELT LIKE
At Washington & Lee, Leeann's soccer experience was difficult. An unexpected chance to play lacrosse offered a different picture of what college sports could feel like. The team competed seriously and worked hard. For parents weighing a team or school, that contrast raises a useful question: What happens in this program when an athlete makes a mistake, needs help, or is still finding their place?
It was the best experience ever because I was in an environment in which it was safe to fail.
FROM A WRITING PROJECT TO THE HIDDEN OPPONENT
A college writing project gave Leeann a way to address a subject she felt people around her rarely talked about: student-athlete mental health. She later connected with Victoria Garrick Browne, whose TEDx talk helped inspire her to found The Hidden Opponent. Leeann went on to build Campus Captains, which helps high school and college students develop mental health literacy and practice asking for help and supporting peers. Todd recommends Victoria Garrick Browne's TEDx talk, which you can find in the resources alongside this episode.
The solution that we wish we had when we were student athletes.
When Todd asks about the distance between college athletes and their families, Leeann emphasizes the value of one trusted adult. It might be a coach, a professor, a counselor, or another person the athlete feels comfortable approaching. It's a practical lesson from a story about independence: as young athletes learn to make their own decisions, they can also learn how to recognize when they need support and who they can ask for it.
Top 5 Takeaways
GIVE YOUR ATHLETE THE LEAD AND HELP WITH THE LOGISTICS.
Leeann's parents asked questions, helped work through costs and travel, and gave her ownership of the decision. Ask your child what they want from their sports experience before you start mapping out the next step.
CHOOSE THE COLLEGE EXPERIENCE AS A WHOLE.
Leeann considered academics, studying abroad, time commitments, and the chance to explore other interests. Ask what an ordinary week would look like for your athlete, in and out of season.
MAKE ROOM TO TALK ABOUT SELF-IMPOSED PRESSURE.
Leeann's parents gave her freedom, and she still expected a great deal of herself. Ask how your athlete feels about their own expectations and what happens when they fall short.
LOOK CLOSELY AT HOW A TEAM RESPONDS TO MISTAKES.
Leeann's lacrosse team worked hard and gave her room to learn. When evaluating a program, ask current players what happens after a bad practice, an injury, or a tough conversation with a coach.
MAKE ASKING FOR HELP PART OF BECOMING INDEPENDENT.
Leeann explains that young adults can make their own decisions and still benefit from guidance. Talk about what makes it easier for your athlete to reach out when they need support.
Parent Takeaway: One Trusted Adult
ONE TRUSTED ADULT
When an athlete is away at school, Leeann encourages them to identify one trusted adult they can turn to. That might be a coach, professor, counselor, or another adult they feel comfortable talking to.
Before your athlete leaves for school, ask: "If things get hard at school, who would you feel comfortable reaching out to?" Help them think of a person and how they'd get in touch.
