Just Moments Together
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Episode Summary
Todd Merkow sits down with Barry Buetel — longtime sports broadcaster and executive, founding broadcast host for Fox Sports Arizona's Emmy-winning Diamondbacks poolside show, former on-air host for professional teams across the NFL, MLB, NHL, and NBA, son of a legendary Minnesota sports broadcaster, and most importantly, husband to Shannon and father of three daughters: Brittany, Lauren, and Kate. All three played soccer. Barry is one of Todd's oldest friends — they met in 1996 when they were both single guys helping launch Fox Sports Arizona, attended each other's weddings, and spent years on the same sidelines watching their daughters play together. This episode is the one where two guys who should have known better sit down and admit they didn't.
Barry grew up in Minnesota playing hockey, baseball, and football — the change of seasons meant a change of sport, and that was just how it worked. His late father was a sportscaster, so sports was always part of the fabric of the house. His mother was positive in the stands, never negative. His dad was a quiet presence, there when he could be around a demanding broadcast schedule. Barry describes his youth sports experience as a ton of fun — the camaraderie, the lifelong friends, the collaboration. He played alongside David Maley, who went on to play fifteen years in the NHL. He could have played D2 or D3 college hockey somewhere, but that wasn't in the cards. His family moved to Florida his junior year, he moved back his senior year to be with his friends, and his high school team won the state hockey championship six to nothing. After that, the playing chapter closed naturally.
The entry into youth sports parenting is where the episode turns. Barry describes himself as ill-equipped to face the new realities of youth soccer — not because he lacked sports experience, but because the environment he walked into was nothing like the one he grew up in. He watched other parents react and wondered if he was supposed to be reacting the same way. He wasn't always proud of how he acted. The car ride home was where it happened most. He knew Brittany wanted to succeed. He just didn't always know how to present it in a way that was supportive and nurturing rather than critical. He and Brittany are similar — both competitive, both wired the same way — and that similarity made the friction worse, not better.
I was ill equipped to face the new realities of youth soccer. I just wasn't in my sandbox. Am I supposed to be reacting this way? Because I didn't necessarily enjoy some of the way that I acted.
Brittany is the eldest and the trailblazer. She came into soccer a little later than some of her ECNL peers, which meant her technical development and field vision had to catch up. What she had from the start was rocket speed — God-given, Barry says, and he means it literally. In rec league she would get the ball and just sprint, and nobody could catch her. When she moved to the ECNL level, the speed was still there, but the game had gotten more complex. A University of Arizona assistant coach spotted her at a tournament during her freshman year of high school and scheduled a call. Barry sat in her room while she took it, completely unprepared, no idea what to say or do. She was overwhelmed. He was overwhelmed. The call was positive and it built her confidence. Then the recruiting process started in earnest — who's here this week, is U of A going to follow up, is the head coach going to call — and Barry got caught on the treadmill. When Brittany eventually told him and Shannon she didn't want to play college soccer, the first reaction was: are you sure? The second reaction, once the dust settled, was relief. She went to U of A anyway. She had a wonderful college experience on her own terms. Barry is glad she didn't play.
Lauren is the middle daughter and the one who gave Barry the exhale he needed. She was technical, positionally sound, had a coach's understanding of where every player on the field should be. She played with one club, one coach, stayed in state-level soccer, never had ECNL aspirations, and just enjoyed playing. Barry describes the experience with Lauren as living in the moment — no treadmill, no recruiting anxiety, no sideline chaos. She had other interests. When it was over, it was over. It was an enjoyable experience.
Kate is the youngest and the one who started earliest — little nets in the backyard, footwork from an early age, good field vision, real technical ability. There was a conversation between Barry and Shannon about whether Kate should try out for a higher level. She had the tools. But Kate loved who she played with. When some of the older girls she'd been playing with graduated, she was devastated — not about soccer, about the relationships. That's when it hit home for Barry: for young women, it really is about the relationships. Kate made varsity at her high school, played two years, and was in the state semifinals the night this episode was recorded. Barry didn't mention it to Todd until they were already twenty minutes into their pre-show conversation. That's how calm and chill he is on the outside.
The coaching section is the most pointed in the episode. Barry says he would love to see more women coaching young women. He is careful not to cast a net of negativity — some coaches are phenomenal — but he is direct about what he looks for: transparency, honesty, fairness, support, a commitment to development. A coach who flies to all the games while the players take the bus is missing the point. The relationship between a coach and a young female athlete is not just about soccer — it is a template for how that athlete will relate to authority figures for the rest of her life. If the lesson she learns is that her job is to please the person in charge rather than to be developed and nurtured by a good leader, she carries that into the workforce. Barry has seen it. He doesn't want it for his daughters.
I ruined some of the moments. Just by yelling, or 'you should have done this,' or 'I can't believe it.' When it's all said and done, a lot of things are just stupid.
The episode closes with Barry's definition of Be Valiant: be true to your values. Be stalwart. Hold on to your integrity, your values, and the love you have for others. Don't cave in to someone or something else. And his final thought, offered without prompting: he hopes other parents adjust well and have the same precious memories that he and Todd share with their daughters. Because that's ultimately all it is. Just moments together.
After 15 years, I just truly have loved watching them play. I just love watching them. That's it. That's what it gets down to.
Top 5 Takeaways
Experience doesn't protect you from the environment. Barry Buetel spent his career around professional athletes. He grew up playing multiple sports in Minnesota. He was on air for NFL, MLB, NHL, and NBA teams. He is one of the most experienced sports media professionals in the Southwest. And he still got caught on the treadmill. He still had moments in the car he wasn't proud of. He still got swept up in the recruiting process in ways that, looking back, he finds ridiculous. The lesson is not that experience is worthless. The lesson is that the youth sports environment is its own thing — and it will pull you in regardless of your background, your credentials, or your intentions. The parents who navigate it well are not the ones who came in most prepared. They are the ones who caught themselves fastest.
The car ride home is where it happens. Barry doesn't describe sideline blowups or confrontations with coaches. What he describes is the car. The moment after the game when you're alone with your kid and you say the thing you shouldn't say. The comment about passing the ball. The 'you should have done this.' He knew Brittany wanted to succeed. He just didn't always know how to present it in a way that was supportive rather than critical. For parents who think they are managing their emotions well because they are quiet on the sideline: the car ride home is the real test. What you say in those ten minutes after the final whistle is what your kid will remember. Not the score. Not the coach's decision. What you said.
Protect every kid on the field, not just yours. Barry's most visceral memory from Brittany's ECNL years is not about Brittany. It's about the parents who made comments about Brittany — about her not passing the ball, about her decision-making on the field. He got behind the wheel of his car and took it out on those parents in his head. Todd's point, made directly in the episode: you must protect every kid on that field. Not just your own. If there is a parent making comments about another child, someone needs to stop it — and it probably shouldn't be the parent of that child, because now you have a heated situation. But it needs to be stopped. The kids hear everything. They are watching who you're sitting with. They know the personality of every parent on the team. They are observing constantly. Just because they're playing does not mean they are not watching the stands.
Read the individual, not just the environment. Barry raised three daughters who were three completely different athletes. Brittany was competitive, fast, wired like her dad, caught up in the ECNL world. Lauren was technical, calm, had other interests, never wanted the high-level club experience. Kate was relational, started earliest, had the tools for a higher level but loved who she played with more than she loved the competition. Barry's answer when asked whether he managed to the environment or to the individual: a little bit of both. He tried to read how each daughter adapted to the environment, what she wanted, what she hoped to accomplish. That is the work. Not applying the same parenting approach to every child because they are all in the same sport. Reading each one as the individual she is.
The treadmill is real, and getting off it is a relief. When Brittany told Barry and Shannon she didn't want to play college soccer, the first reaction was: are you sure? The second reaction, once the dust settled, was relief. Barry is glad she didn't play. She went to U of A, had a wonderful college experience, made friends she chose, wasn't locked into a practice schedule and a team she had to get along with whether she liked them or not. The treadmill — the recruiting calls, the tournament circuits, the one-pager, the coaches in lawn chairs — felt like the whole world while they were on it. Off it, it looks like what it is: a very small part of a very large life. Getting off it, on the athlete's terms, is not failure. It is the point.
Find the right coach. Barry's coaching section is the most pointed in the episode. He would love to see more women coaching young women. He is careful not to cast a net of negativity — some coaches are phenomenal — but he is direct about what he looks for: transparency, honesty, fairness, support, a commitment to development. A coach who flies to all the games while the players take the bus is missing the point. The relationship between a coach and a young female athlete is not just about soccer. It is a template for how that athlete will relate to authority figures for the rest of her life. If the lesson she learns is that her job is to please the person in charge rather than to be developed by a good leader, she carries that into the workforce. Barry has seen it. He doesn't want it for his daughters. Neither should you.
It was just moments together. Barry's answer to what he hopes his daughters remember when they are thirty-five: that he was supportive, present, and loving. He doesn't remember wins and losses from his own childhood. He remembers his parents being there. He remembers going to Baskin Robbins after baseball games. He remembers the time. That is what he wants to give back. And looking at the end of the road — Kate in the state semifinals, Brittany and Lauren launched into their own lives — what he takes away is not the goals or the tournaments or the recruiting calls. It's that youth sports was a vehicle that brought five people together, tighter, over fifteen years. Just moments together. That's all it ever was. That's everything.
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